Futurist

I should take back part of what I said in my last post– in the past couple of months this seems to have changed. Maybe because I made more of an effort? The universe reconised that I was about to give up and tried to help me out? I have no idea what changed, but I sincerely hope it keeps on the direction its been going in.

And a friend is coming home for a while! I’m so excited and hopeful about this. I’m actually hopeful for the new year in general, which is a strange, unprecedented turn of events. I’m hopeful for school next semester, because this year in maths has encouraged me to be  less scared of numbers and to take the astronomy class I’ve wanted to take. Its strange that I’m so enthusiastic now, considering my current grades. Except for maths. I don’t understand how in one semester I’ve gone from shunning anything to do with numbers to almost…enjoying it. I don’t know if I can say that yet, but I’ve certainly warmed up. And I’m tentatively looking forward.

Not to be too positive, there’s a bunch going wrong right now, too. Money. Money. Work, money. Just to name a few. If I had a different job. But on the other hand, this is maybe the best job I’m going to get right now, until I graduate. Thats what keeps me in school– I want a different job. I don’t think I’m self-motivated enough to make something of myself arts-wise. I’m not one of those people who just exhales inspiration on to a canvas. I make very few pieces, actually, and they’re almost exclusively personal. I’m not marketable, thats the main issue. Or rather, I can’t market myself. And the classes I take I don’t feel like I’m benefiting from, though perhaps I should try an actual art school class.  I have a few ideas I’ve been pondering. Its not an avenue completely closed off.

~ by Catacoma on 5 December 2008.